What is the Real Me? – Who is behind the mask?

What is the real me? Who am I? A question everyone asks themselves at some time during their lives.  Some people never ask the question and know who they are from the very inception of their lives.Am I ok or not

I know I did but it was not in my early life I asked this question. I was in my early 40’s before I decided to ask the question of myself and others.

I just want to know who I am, how is this possible, what do I do to find out who I am.

Then I realized myself and many others wear many masks at any given time. Sometimes we know we are wearing them and sometimes we are not aware we are wearing them.

We wear many masks throughout our day depending on who weHow do you stay motivated are with and what the situation is at the time.  Sometimes we put a mask on to hide who we really are and sometimes we put a mask on for people to either feel sorry for us or to like us.

What mask are you wearing today? What is the real me?

Why as humans do we feel the need to mask our feelings?

  • we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
  • we want people to think we are happy
  • we want people to think we have it all together
  • we are embarrassed about what people will think of us.
  • We don’t know how we really feel
  • we don’t know how to act in this situation.

Growing up I know I was wearing a mask but did not realize it.  As children, we can do this quite easily.  When the other kids would talk about their parents and their outings and nice homes, I would agree with them and say how great mine was too.  However, I never invited any of them back to my house and would only play with them in public places.  They had no idea my Mother would not let me have anyone back to my house. She also was wearing a mask of deception as our house was not a very nice place to be.

As an adult, I wore masks from time to time to hide the life I came from and also think I did not think I was good enough.  It took years of training and exploring and research to learn how to love myself for who I was and to be who I was warts and all.

 If people did not like what they saw then perhaps they were not for me.

We do however still wear masks from time to time as we do not always want to share our personal lives and intimate details with everyone.  As long as we know consciously what we are doing then it should be ok. Not everyone needs to show their true raw self at all times.  Sometimes it is not appropriate.

Hiding behind social media.

Social Media has now played a big part where people are showing and sharing their feelings for the whole world to see.  This is easier than confronting the person face to face sometimes. Is it the right thing to do considering you cannot take anything you say on social media.  Even if you delete it is still there to be found and it is there for eternity.

Using social media for marketing.

Is this the place to take off the mask and show our true selves?  Considering throughout life we change and develop and anything posted on social media can come back and haunt you at any time in your life.

What masks are you still wearing and why?

As Parents, we hide some of our feelings from the kids so they can feel safe and secure.   As partners, we sometimes hide our real feelings about the relationship and do not share our wants and needs. This leads to being in a relationship that is not always healthy and good for us.

What can we do to remove the masks?

  • be courageous
  • know that it is ok
  • be your true self
  • take a deep breath and just do it
  • live the life you want, whatever that means to YOU
  • be yourself
  • believe in yourself

How do you know who you are?  What is the real me?

When I was growing up I knew what I did not want to be, I had no idea what or who I wanted to be I only focused on who I did not want to be.   When I was in my 30’s I saw a how to be yourselfpresenter on stage motivate and inspire a room with 2,000 people in it.  I said to myself I want to be just like her. I am going to be just like her.

I went through the next 10 years not wanting to be one person and focusing on wanting to be like another person.  – Nowhere was I focusing on who I was!!!!!!  What a lightbulb that was…….

Remove the masks from yourself and take a look at who you are.  If you like who you are, then show it to the world.  If you do not like who you are, then find a way to become the person you will love.

When you love yourself for who you are, then everyone else will see the real you and love you also.  You may need to dig deep.   Take a course, read, or seek a professional, whatever it takes – love yourself.

Believe in yourself and others will believe in you, love yourself and others will love you, above all be true to yourself.

If you enjoyed this please share with others to benefit too.

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  1. Reply

    What a beautifully crafted post. I totally agree with your claim. Before we could ever find happiness in our lives, we need to deeply reflect on who we are. This does take time, however, and it’s a shame some people do not realize this importance in their lifetime.

    • helenvella


      so true, knowing yourself is not easy and a lot of people do not like what they see and therefore are not reflective and honest with themselves.

  2. Reply

    This is a great read! Really enjoy it and sometimes I do struggle with who I really am. However, don’t you think at times we do need to put on a mask due to circumstances or because you want to steer the situation to certain direction?

    • helenvella


      As long as you know you are wearing a mask and the reasons why. It is when we are doing it when we are hiding are true selves for reasons of self esteem etc you have to be careful.

  3. Amy


    This is great information and thanks for sharing! Social media can be very disingenuous for all the reasons you talk about. I have personally met people who are nothing like their online persona. Thanks for writing about it!

  4. Elektra


    Thanks for this great post! Being true to ourselves is so important! I think many people fear to do it and prefer wear a mask but after a while the mask become their truth and they can be confused and unhappy.

  5. Reply

    This is a great post that can relate to so many people. It’s a sad reality that too many people would rather tell a white lie than show there true self. Reading content like this is a stepping stone to letting it all hang out and just being happy and bold. Thanks for this.

    • helenvella


      This is so true – removing a mask can take some time but once it is done it is so liberating.

  6. Reply

    This is a great post Helen, I also had no idea what I wanted to do past few years. I wished I had read your post back then. I was always trying to please everyone by hiding behind a mask. Thank you for speaking the truth, I think I need to be myself more. Keep it up!

    • helenvella


      You are welcome, not always easy to speak your truth or be yourself, once you do however it feels very satisfying. Thanks for your comments.

  7. Reply

    Hey! That is such a beautiful article. And of course it might just respond to everybody on this earth.It is something people might think about a lot. But what is hard that we have the social media and all this information influencing us every second of every day. And there are things you like and things that inspire and motivate you and you are instantly drawn toward people who you would like to be “like” and it is so heard to see what is the “real me” in all of this? I hear this a lot “Be yourself” but with all that is influence on me, I have no idea what that sentence means anymore.
    Great article though. I find it is important subject to spend time on and think things through.
    All the best!

    • helenvella


      Social Media has a lot of content that can influence people you are right. I don’t think it is going to get any better. I am not sure the generations coming up are going to figure out who they are so easily as current generations due to the amount of information that is cast at them continuously on a minute by minute basis. Thank you for your kind feedback.

  8. Reply

    I enjoyed this blog! This reminds us to be true to ourselves or at the very least, realize that there is much in us that is worth discovering. Thanks for sharing!

  9. Reply

    Great article, thank you.

    I personally think one reason we wear masks is to avoid disappointment and hurt. Especially disappointment makes us act differently and do things differently because we are afraid to disappoint the ones we love, or the people we care about.
    The we also hide stuff because we don’t think people can handle the whole truth, and noting but the truth, so we wear a mask.

    Your page is great, I love it and the color scheme is soft and calming.

    • helenvella


      Thank you for your feedback, I agree with you also. We are not responsible how other people choose to feel, but always mindful of not hurting them on purpose.

  10. Xdeem Li


    Always be true to yourself. This sounds great, but sometimes not so easy. Sometime in life you have to play certain roles, and your most honest opinion or true feelings may not be appropriate. For example, maybe at job or some professional function. Also, in some customs, honest isn’t always highly looked upon. Instead, sometimes they want the political correct answers and response. However, I got your message. Good Article.

    • helenvella


      Yes we do have to be aware of where we are and what our response should be. Appropriate behavior is key. There are always times where we wear our masks. However knowing you are wearing one and knowing it is appropriate for that occasion is the message. Wearing a mask all the time is not a healthy way to live. Thank you so much for your comments.

  11. Kay


    This a very inspiring post. I also struggled with taking the mask off. I really love your tips on how to remove the mask. I think if you struggle with this problem you need to practice this daily!

    • helenvella


      I agree and I am sure there are many other tips as well everyone develops their own strategy for survival. Being mindful everyday is a great way to healthy mind and body.

  12. Reply

    “Growing up I know I was wearing a mask but did not realize it.” – Yes I can relate to this so much. It’s such a shame that we are like this growing up and it makes us feel separate from everyone else and very alienated.

    As you know, it is all to do with our conditioning.

    Beautiful post and everyone should read this! =)


    • helenvella


      Yes a lot of us wear a mask because of or upbringing and we are not aware all of the time that we are doing it. Thanks for your comments.

  13. ches


    I really enjoyed reading your post. It did actually strike a chord with me as I could definitely see that I was one of those that often hid behind a mask instead of coming out of the closet so to speak.
    I am an emotional person, but I try to hide that fact thinking that people will judge me as being sentimental and soppy. Emotional people, I feel, are never treated as intelligent and not taken seriously, even if they have something serious to say.
    My hubby also is quite a romantic although he hides this fact quite well, thinking it to be unmanly or something like that. I do catch him out sometimes and chastise him for not being himself. But here I am doing the exact same thing. Even so, I really don’t know how to change my mask and because I’ve had it on so long, I’m not sure I know who I really am! Great article. Ches

    • admin


      Emotional and intellect should not influence the other. it is good you recognize that you are emotional and what you think other people think is not necessarily what they are thinking. Taking steps to find out who you are deep down will be an exciting journey and I wish you well.

  14. Darren


    Being able to be yourself is a pretty generic catch term that I always hear, but in my opinion comes down to your comfort level of being able to be yourself all the time and not putting a filter on what you say. Of course, this is context sensitive so abide by social rules when you’re going through a job interview or something like that.

    But when you’re out meeting new people be 150% yourself. Some people won’t like it, but the people who do like you will get to see the true you right away.

    I know for a fact that a lot of people that are successful aren’t always the nicest but they get stuff done. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are both examples of this. I’ve read up that they’re complete dicks to people they don’t like and they show their true colors instantly.

  15. Reply

    Great post. I’m so happy that I can truly say how I feel. It’s been a journey but it makes things a lot easier in my personal and business life. I’ll be sharing this one to my Pinterest page to remind other’s to come out and be free.

    • helenvella


      Thank you for sharing I appreciate that. It is always a journey finding out who you are.

  16. Reply

    this post just realized that I am wearing a mask. I am so conscious of what others think of me. I need to start being myself and I need to be the REAL me. Thank you for helping me making me aware of this.

  17. Ralph


    I totally agree that we all wear masks to try and fit in with the crowd. Except we are never happy wearing those mask because we know what lies underneath. If people focused more on themselves and not worry about what others think, more people could find their happiness. Awesome article!

  18. Reply

    Thank you for such a great post. I’m so happy you were finally able to find and love yourself. It can be quite a journey. It’s always harder for those who come from a bad background of some kind. Whether it’s just lower income, or some other family circumstance. Or their self image because of size, acne or whatever. The feeling about ourselves from these things always carries forward into adulthood. We all need to learn for ourselves that doesn’t define who we are. And learning who you truly are and how to stand tall, is a truly great feeling.

    • helenvella


      Thank you for your comments and yes to truly know yourself is a great feeling, finding yourself is a great journey.

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