How Do I get over grief?

Grief has a way of affecting us when we least expect it.  Grief can affect us not only over death but also over breakups, losing a house, or a great friend. Including pets.

Losing our close friends, relatives, and partners, can take it’s a toll on us. Especially when it is unexpected. Even when you know it is coming it is still a lot to deal with.

• How do you explain when someone takes their own life?.
•  How do you explain when an accident takes someone who had everything to live for?. 
• How do you explain a stillborn baby?. 
• How do you explain divorce after 40 years together?

All are tragic and all affect us in different ways. No matter who you are or where you are from the death or loss of a loved one is devastating.

I was speaking with a client today who had a loss a few months back which was not expected, they were left to deal with the estate and the sale of the property.  The property sold this week and with that sale, some family members are feeling the sense of loss again.  A reminder things are final and dealing with closure is tough.  I know this personally as dealing with my Father and Grandmothers death was overwhelming for me, I explain this is more detail in my book.

There are steps you go through when you face death or a loss: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the pioneering psychiatrist, proposed this model of grief in her famous treatise On Death and Dying in 1969.

• Denial and Isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

I am not sure if it is always this way or even in that order. The American Institue of Stress explains about grief here.

My opinion is that everyone goes through losing a loved one in their own way depending on the relationship they have with the person and also their emotional state at the time.
We acquire life experience through experiencing life and not everyone has the same life experience even if you are part of the same family your experience is different.
Consequently, your reaction to losing a loved one and you are coping with that loss will be as individual to you as your own life experience is.
My own experience and that of some of my clients did not always have all of the 5 stages and not in any order.
The first death I experienced was my beloved Grand Mother, she was my mentor, teacher, guide, and a real mother to me. She was 94 when she passed after a very short illness. She was born in 1900 and I loved hearing all her stories of how technology and the world had evolved from Victorian times. I still miss her very much even now. I wondered many times of how to overcome the grief.

I was in a funeral home the other day and went into one of the rooms which were set up for a service.  The open casket was already there even though the service was not for another couple of hours.  I looked at the person, who I did not know, I still felt the loss and the grief the family must be feeling, the person looked young and I do not know the circumstances of their passing but it was still sad and still affected me.

Grief can also be included with the change of circumstances in your community, your country and the economic situation you may find yourself in.  I know as I get older I am now wondering how to cope when my husband dies if he dies before me.  I also wonder how I am going to be able to support myself.  These are all questions that arise throughout our lives.  If a single parent does not have the legal paperwork in place for their death then the grief of the survivors can be more overwhelming if the children are not provided for.

Overcoming Grief

If we allow all of these sad feelings for others to affect us without dealing with them we will one day wake up with overwhelming sadness and not realize why. This happened to me when my father died.  As I go into detail in my book after 5 years it was still like it was yesterday.  I had to get professional help as life was very miserable for me.

I encourage all my clients to tap every day using Emotional Freedom Techniques on what makes them sad, angry, fearful, anxious no matter how small.  Small things build into big things and when they reach the stage of being overwhelming we then become in a state if un-ease and dis-ease.

As I tap on myself today because of the sadness for so many attending funerals and hearing of deaths to-day I know I will release what is not mine.

Let go of others grief and sadness so you can recognize your own thoughts and feelings.

Keep tapping and using EFT or any other modality you are familiar with, do not let it build up.

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Please share with others as nearly everyone has some grief in their lives they are trying to overcome.