Definition of Change – What do you do when you can’t change?

How many times do you hear the words that you have to change your ways?  How often do you ask the same question of someone else?

What do you do when you can’t change, or won’t change?

The definition of change is different for each person depending on their perception of their lives.

Change can be the most challenging thing for Change how to you cope with and a lot of people you may know.  Some people are so scared of change they get themselves stressed out so much they have

Some people are so scared of change they get themselves stressed out so much they have panic attacks.  We fight to hold onto what is familiar, secure and comfortable.  We as humans love to be comfortable. Many of us get very unsettled and fear change of any kind.

So I am proposing you be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Read that back again and think about it.

Adapting to change has been something I have been doing for most of my life. I have learned to treat change as an adventure and something to look forward to instead of something to dread.  My parents moved us from Scotland to England when I was 16 and that was a major change, the first time I had been away from everything I knew and grew up with all my life.

At 19 I was married and moved to Australia, talk about scary……my husband and I knew absolutely nobody at all in Australia. England to Australia is a lot of miles.

Is it a scary adventure sometimes, yes, but sometimes change is forced upon us and we have to suck it up anyway whether we like it or not.  Whether death, end of a relationship, new school, new job all of these things force us to change.

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I am not here talking about goal setting and staying comfortable where you are and not achieving your goals, I am talking about what life throws at you every day.

Life throws different curve balls all the time and you can give into fear or you can roll with the punches and be in the moment and experience life as it happens.

When there is construction on the route we take every day we have to make a change to our route, this can be annoying at best but it is still a change you have to deal with.

Stress plays a major factor in our health and if you are stressing over every change that happens to you then the potential damage to your health is greater.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been moving around living in different places for the last 6 years.How to achieve work life balance

It has taken me a long time to figure out that all the moves I have made ( all of which were not of my choice) has taken me to where I am meant to be at this time in my life. I feel very comfortable and content and excited about where I am right now.

Whatever plans you make, whatever hopes and dreams you have will manifest themselves, it may not be as quickly as you would like but it will come to pass.

Your attitude to the changes in your life will determine how the change affects your emotional and physical state.  I mention a lot of changes I have gone through this in my book and how to deal with them.  Being aware of your emotional state is the first step to dealing with the change you are going through.How do I Change

Take one day at a time and focus only on the day, not tomorrow or next week or next year, be in the moment and dealing with change will be so much easier.

As always when it comes to emotional issues I always recommend Emotional Freedom Techniques

Embrace change and look forward always. You cannot live your life looking back all the time.

If you benefited from the post please share with others so they may benefit also.


    • helenvella


      It can be stressful and there is always change no matter what part of your life you are going through.

  1. Reply

    I do strongly believe that change is the only constant and the sooner we accept it the better our lives will be. Looks like despite all the curve balls life has thrown at you, you are doing great!

    xx, Kusum

    • helenvella


      Thank you. Your comments are correct change is the only constant and we should accept it without anxiety, worry and stress.

  2. danasia fantastic


    I try to embrace change as it happens instead of fighting against. It’s something I’ve got to make a conscious effort of.

    • helenvella


      It is a conscious effort to be aware of what you are going through and what you should do about it. Mindful of your emotions regarding change is crucial for your well being.

  3. Reply

    You’re right that change can be stressful. I try to adjust to the change by adjusting my attitude sometimes and just go with it. When I find myself getting stress, I go to the Steam room and start all over.

    • helenvella


      Great way to deal with your stress I love the steam room, have not done it in a long time though. 🙂

  4. Reply

    Yes…I love a quote about change that I never forgot. The only thing constant in life is change. It is inevitable. And it can be stressful but as you mention, our attitude can play a major role in how it goes.

    • helenvella


      You are so right, attitude is what makes the big difference when going through any transition.

  5. Reply

    I;m so glad you shared this. I just moved to Texas and deal a lot with the stress of change on top of not having any family and friends! This will be great to help with that!

    • helenvella


      That is the biggest transition especially when there is no family to be there for you. I have done this and I know that you can get through it especially if you look at it as an adventure and a new chapter in your life.

  6. Reply

    Change can be so scary but it is definitely inevitable. I’m always trying to see change in a positive light but it can be hard… you’re right that we naturally want to hold on to what is familiar!

    • helenvella


      Change is scary and stressful but seeing the positive, which there always is a positive, goes a long way to helping you through the transition.

    • helenvella


      We are all constantly changing as you say and when we try to be better it is so liberating.

  7. Reply

    I think one can always change if they want to. There are opportunities presented to us every single day, we just need to be open to them so we can see them. Worry less about what you can’t control and allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone.

    • helenvella


      Very true, but not many people tend to do that. Being in the moment and mindful helps, less worry is paramount and letting go of what you cannot control, so true, thanks for sharing.

  8. Reply

    I both like and am scared of change. I think it’s a matter of control for me; if I am in control of the change, if it’s my decision, then I’m okay with it. If it’s not something that’s under my control, it’s harder to handle it, but obviously that’s because it’s not something I can control. Loved this post, thanks for sharing!

    • helenvella


      Not an uncommon situation. Many people do not like to lose control and find it very frightening when they do,but if you have the attitude that it is out of your control and can do nothing about it then let it go. 🙂

  9. Emma


    A positive attitude definitely makes you more amenable to change! And change is often a positive thing so shouldn’t be feared – anything you can’t change you’re going to have to live with anyway so you might swell see the bright side!

    • helenvella


      So true if more people looked it that way the world would be a much happier place 🙂

  10. Reply

    It’s so hard changing as it’s human nature to find a place of equilibrium and that means getting to a place of not changing. But.. the reality is change is inevitable and it’s important for us to grow. I have just written a blog post about self sabotage which talks about a similar topic and how we sometimes choose to avoid change because it seems too hard or we are afraid. The only constant in life is change! May as well embrace it 🙂

    • helenvella


      Some people do not like change at all, and it is very difficult for them to accept it. Finding the balance is very true and you are also right the only constant in life is change.!

  11. Reply

    I enoyed tis post. You are right its all how look at things. Like your moving a lot you could have threw a pity party or responded the way you did. It took me most of my life to see things differently but when I did things changed. I believe we all cross paths and come upon obstacles for a reason.

  12. Reply

    Going through major loss last year really forced me to deal with this issue. I spent a lot of time fighting with the reality, but with time I have been turning it into a lesson for myself. I still struggle with the loss and the realizations it has brought into my life, but with it has come a renewed effort to live in the moment and appreciate every blessing big and small.

    • helenvella


      Once you have gone through the initial loss and that first stage it is always good to reflect and see how much of the loss is affecting your everyday life. We all need to find someone professional at times to help us over the hurdle so we can move on.

  13. Reply

    i love the sentence “be comfortable being uncomfortable.” Change can be hard and scary, but stay at the familiar and comfort zone can be risky too. I can relate to your experience of moving to different places, as I moved to the USA when I was 20 years old and did not know anyone there. I now can live anywhere in the world. We both embraced our changes and that is what makes us strong and our life meaningful.

    • helenvella


      Yes I feel the same once you have moved around and settled in different countries moving does not become as scary it becomes an adventure.

  14. Reply

    I’ve had so many negative changes not of my choosing in the last 4 years that the disappointments have piled on one another, weighing so heavy on me that my health has become severely affected. Just yesterday I told myself take one day at a time, no regrets and no looking too far ahead. Do what I can in a day — concentrate on the day. Hopeless in Tennessee…

    • helenvella


      Life can through us a lot of negative changes over time and it does become a challenge sometimes to handle them. Taking one day at a time and living in the moment is a great start to get you motivated. Also watching your self talk and changing that to more positive words about yourself can also help. Perhaps you could benefit from some of the tips in this post. Good luck and if there is anything I can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me.

  15. Reply

    What’s that saying? “Life happens while you’re busy making other plans.” Sometimes a lot of change all at once can be exhausting, but mostly I look at it like you do…an adventure and the path I need to take in order to become the best “me” possible.

    • helenvella


      Great saying thank you for sharing. Becoming the best you can be is all you can ask of yourself.

  16. Reply

    Adaption is likely the key tool, & limiting belief can usually be the “gatekeeper” between the change.
    I’d like to agree with you, attitude is the one place where great many things start..
    I often find that the fear of failure itself is what gets folks return back to the fold.

    And this is where it gets really interesting..

    The more intelligent a person tends to be, the more that person does what? Yes, analyzes.
    Why? To reduce risks as much as possible.
    But.. What if everything is a big risk? The result – A lot of intelligent people never take action!

    The saying usually goes: “Think first & then do.”
    But seems like that’s a big double edged sword that can backfire just as easily.

    In my opinion, what gets too few “correct” attention very often, are the mistakes we do.
    Mistakes are commonly interpreted as failure which they’re not – They’re fuel, they’re experience, they’re the exact same major part of adaption process which helps us to find objectiveness in this chaos.

    Or am I too far off?

    Nobody learns almost nothing from 1st attempt success – Did you just do everything right? Did you just got lucky? Maybe other counterparts “game” just wasn’t ready this time? It feels like boundless massive void that is impossible to determine.

    Stepping out into that “uncomfortable” zone, on the other hand, seems like a “wonderland of mistakes”
    ..but ironically, eventually, carries the valuable weight that guides us exactly to the point that shows us what to do..

    • helenvella


      In my view there are no mistakes there are only experiences that we learn from. Some experiences are better than others but nevertheless a learning opportunity. Totally agree that the more people analyze the more they tend to do nothing. You made some great points and I don’t think you are too far off. Thank you for commenting.

  17. Reply

    Helen, there is so much true in your words.
    It does not matter how much we plan for the future, life always manages to surprise us with something we did not accounted for. Being health, work, relationships, environments. We are living beings and in a sort of way so does the planet we live in, and the universe around us. This means, everything is in constant change, so we better face it and learn to adapt. The plant that survives the storm is not necessarily the one with the biggest trunc, but the one that bends with the wind.
    Have a lovely day.

    • helenvella


      Very true what you say and thank you for sharing, change is inevitable, how we handle it is crucial to our well being.

  18. Reply


    I would say the past 5 years has seen the most upheaval in my life. Yet give me a second chance and I will still choose the same path.

    My insecurity comes when I stay too long in a comfort zone, which makes me take up being an emcee. As an introvert by nature, that puts me way out of comfort zone and every single event will have its own unexpected challenges.

    It’s not the smartest who survive, it’s the one who adapt that thrives.


    • helenvella


      Very true, being comfortable with being uncomfortable helps with changes. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Reply

    Change certainly is a constant in our lives. From the little mundane things to the biggest and boldest, they all impact us.

    Just this week I faced a lot of change. This is the first time at my new job I started at the end of last year that I had to go through the town’s fair. They close down the whole center of town (right where my office is located) so I have had a ton of change to deal with this week and I have found it exhausting. I have had to park and walk a good distance just to get to the office. I have had to eat lunch at other places than normal. I have had to take extra time getting to and from work. I could go on here, but the point is that I faced it, I showed up and gave it my best. Or as fate would have it today, I have had to Keep Calm & Carry On!

    • helenvella


      Change is always a challenge, how you react to change is what matters. Good job for keeping calm and carrying on. Luckily it is temporary the town fair does not last long.

  20. Reply

    Hello there Helen =)

    As I was reading through this post I came across something which resonated with me as I have read it somewhere in self help book and it really stood out at me.

    “So I am proposing you be comfortable being uncomfortable.”

    It is so true and the more we accept change, the more we grow =)


  21. Reply

    You’re so right Helen, life does have a way of forcing changes on us whether we like it or not. Some truly are difficult to get through, while others are welcomed and perhaps even refreshing.

    So … what one benefit are you the happiest about NOW, where a change was forced upon you?

    • helenvella


      Great comments and thank you for sharing. I have made a crucial change in the last year I got married. It was not a forced change but it was a very pleasant one after being single for 10 years.

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